


'Ow Ter Become a Beaky As Explained By Warboss Grungatz

by BloodyMary



Series: How Ork Logic Ruined Everything [1]
Category: Warhammer 40.000
Genre: Crack, Gen, ork logic, pink is for Space Marines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-15
Updated: 2016-10-15
Packaged: 2018-08-22 13:42:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8287735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodyMary/pseuds/BloodyMary
Summary: Inquisitor Scaevola's no good very bad day is about to turn worse. Who thought that exposing orks to the ideas of gender and human developement was a good idea, again?





	

Inquisitor Scaevola came to slowly. His consciousness returned only sluggishly, and he had to struggle to pry his eyelids opened. Once he managed this titanic feat, he immediately wished he hadn’t. The first thing he saw was a pair of metal shod powder pink boots. They were adorned with tiny fuchsia bows.

 

With mounting revulsion he looked up and up, until he could truly see what was before him. It was an ork. A Warboss judging from the size, clad in crude armour, his left arm replace with a monstrous claw. Over it, it wore something that was a parody of a little girl’s dress—pink with  bits of fabric stitched on in the hope of approximating a frill. On its back, it had a trophy rack, with various skulls and one odd foot stuck on it. And on its head, there was a tiny pointy hat with a veil. It was patterned with daisies.

 

The xenos grinned at him, and knelt down so that its beady red eyes could bore in to Scaevola’s eyes.

 

“I knows yer secret,” it said glee clearly audible in its voice.

 

Scaevola swallowed heavily, wondering what the xenos abomination knew.

 

Then, to his confusion it triumphantly shoved a stained book for children.

 

“I knows how yer makes dem big ‘umies,” it continued.

 

With equal flourish it opened the first page, which showed two babies, one in a pink and one in a blue blanket. “First, all yous looks da same,” it said. “But den yous puts da small ‘umies in pink fingz or in blue fingz. The uns in blue grows up ter be boyz, the pink uns grows up to be gurlz.”

 

The ork moved a few pages further, and shoved another illustration into Scaevola’s face. A row of women smiled saccharinely at him: a nurse, a navy pilot, an administratum drone and a Sister of Battle. The ork’s clawed finger tapped the Sororita.

 

“Den sum gurlz become dem stabby an’ burny armoured ‘umies,” it continued. “An’ I asks meself, ‘oo else wears armour? An’ I tole meself—dem big ‘umies also wears armour, and dey’s real stabby and killy. An’ dems bigger den the uvver stabby and burny ‘umies. It wuz obvious den—dem stabby an’ burny ‘umies grow up ter be dem big umies.”

 

Scaevola blinked several times, trying to understand what he had been told.

 

“Sisters of Battle become Space Marines?” he asked in a shaky voice.

 

“Obvious, innit?” the ork asked with a grin. “So, I’s thought—if I’s become a gurl, den I can become one o’ dem too, an’ den I’s gunna be double killy.”

 

Scaevola let his head fall back. It banged against the grubby floor with a thud.


End file.
